Thursday, October 16, 2003

Quiet Today

All "written out". Not so much to say.

The other night a friend read a note from a wonderful lama. The lama was describing about how sometimes students have difficulty practicing and need encouragement and how some older practitioners can't understand why anyone would need to be encouraged to do something so joyful. I guess I feel a little of that sometimes, but maybe what I feel is just a hollow echo of what they feel. Who knows? Then when I do, it is tricky not to go looking for it next time, which is a little frightening - the prospect of getting hung up in your meditation on some cool feeling that you quickly learn to contrive and then substitute for real meditation, like watching an old, favorite movie. Lost in your own comfortable, but artificial, theatre where you are simultaneously actor, audience and in the projection booth.

Letting go, letting go. Always more letting go, relaxing, opening, alert, but not expecting or looking for anything definite. Watching and seeking, but not synthesizing. Balanced on that razor's edge.

A teacher in an article I read the other day relayed an exchange between Marpa and Milarepa. Marpa looked in on Mila and said something like, "You have been meditating very diligently. Maybe you should take a little break." Mila replied, "Meditation is a break."

Time for more quiet. Nothing to say.


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