Wednesday, October 15, 2003

from Dzogchen Interferon: By Peter Marti

The following is a poem by my friend Peter. His work is powerful, personal, and influenced by deep practice in the dharma.

Dzogchen/ Interferon

Candle light for Dzogchen “Great Perfection” teachings by Lama
—no power at Dharma Center in Redwood Forest night.

* * *

Hepatic irritability direct result of Hepatitis C and
side effect of the cocktail RIBAVIRON & PEG-INTRON
this Palace of Deities has not a strong foundation if
after an hour’s practice
I can’t make my liver a feast of kindness
instead, yell at wife for interrupting my writing

* * *

My injection for this infection
Kicks me in the head.
I wake with pain that lasts all day
relentless throbbing
the sunlight blinding
I bow my head & rub it
massage it like my father used to his, in church
sometimes I was embarrassed ‘cause he
seemed oblivious to stares: elaborately pawing his temples like some animal grooming, same way his face
just before he died.

* * *

Suicidal ideation, Impotence
Depression and Psychoses
Alopecia and ubiquitous “flu-like symptoms”
possible side effects. So far,
more irritable than anything…
fatalistic about love I sit to meditate
—these virus demons
in my liver want for Love—
I make offerings
the chemo feeds my guests.

* * *

Kid-screams down creek
nearby Christian retreat center has 6th grade school
science camp in for four days
to study coastal range flora and fauna.
I went nearly 40 years ago
these same woods
saw salamanders mating in creeks
like the two outside our front door just now
male on top, 8 legs drifting in the current.

* * *

eyes burn, dry skin
and purple blotches where I inject
the Interferon.
Skin itch
sensitive to touch
like the rest of me
brief gap
in headache

sitting down again.

January, 2003


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